DIY Pot Rack - Pot Rack Bar

Here's a rambling for you. I Google or YouTube search everything - recipes, home repairs, best places to live, dwarf cats, how to make a bomb...ok, maybe not that last one ;) I'm generally overwhelmed with a sea of information - I'll take it!

Googling any and all variations of "DIY Pot Rack" was a total disappointment BUT it's not like I'm incapable of being creative - I'm a mom for Pete's sake (Who is Pete anyway? Guess I'll Google that later). So, I put on my thinking cap and came up with a solution. I wasn't sure how sturdy it would be or if it would hold BUT for $20 I was willing to give it a shot! 

I found my answer in a ceiling mounted curtain rod and some shower curtain hooks :) SCORE! Easy solution, inexpensive, and it's held all of these heavy pots and pans for over a month now (guess that means it's sturdy)!

You're welcome ;)

Until next time friends!

Nosefrida - The Snotsucker

You want me to put THAT in my mouth and suck?! No, I'm not talking about the opening scene from your typical 80s movie - two zitty, curious teens in the back of their parent's Caddy loosing their "innocence".  I succumbed to buying a Nosefrida. It's true - I did. These things are AMAZINGUSTING. It's that simple. Yes, yes, the whole concept is GROSS - actually putting one end of a contraption in your babies nose and the other in your mouth, so you can slowly suck out the boogery, snotty, mess of a situation that babies "store" in their noses when they're sick!

I blame Facebook for this purchase. No, Facebook didn't insert some ad for the Nosefrida... they generally reserve those spots for cloth diapers, nursing schools, and health snacks - boy, have they got me all wrong ;) What someone did was start some viral post about cutting open a suction bulb to find a forest of fungus - well, mold really. Of course, I had to get mine and cut it open (duh), making it now a useless (and totally clean and mold free) piece of recyclable rubber.

The Nosefrida works - it does... unlike the bulbs and battery operated aspirators. What makes it even more amazing is that you can make a game out of the "desnotting" process. When my boys saw me coming at them with the dreaded fear-inducing, tantrum-provoking blue bulb, they would immediately throw their hands up, shake their heads, and of course, scream their demonic little heads off. With the Nosefrida, I come at them and we play the "tickles" game - they just laugh while I suck and suck and suck, filling the tube full of wondrous, sometimes yellow sometimes clear, guck. GAG. It's quite the picture, ugh.

So yes, AMAZING and DISGUSTING. A product I wish I would have bought from day one. If you're expecting, put one on your registry IMMEDIATELY. While I wish Nosefrida were paying me to say all of this, they're not - it's just one consumer's humble opinion.

I will leave you with this thought...as I linked the product at the beginning of this blog, I noticed another product on their page, "The Windi". The packaging had a rear-facing baby bent over. While I didn't look to see the product specifics, I can only imagine you'd be tapping your baby like I once tapped a keg.
Until next time friends!

Keepin' it Real! Advice to new parents...and moms in general ;)

Motherhood is overwhelming at best...on a good day! Now I'm not saying it's "overwhelmingly bad", I'm just saying it is a lot to take on. Before the baby gets here you read all kinds of monotonous information about what to expect during the first year. Yes, of course, there are bits and pieces that might actually apply to YOU, YOUR relationship with your spouse, YOUR body, and even YOUR baby but let's face it, most of the information out there is best-case scenario dipped in a nice sugary, candy shell. So, you ask, "What is worse than getting bits and pieces of the truth from 'informational sources' as you battle your way through your first year as a parent?" How about getting a big, steamy pile of misinformation from other moms who are TOO SCARED to tell it how it is!

Competition amongst moms is alive and well in our society - trust in that. It's more vicious out there than a cockfight ring gone bad! There's always the moms that have to one up the other moms. You know the ones... the ones that have you thinking that their baby flew right out of the chute fully potty trained and singing their ABC's. C'mon now ladies, let's KEEP IT REAL. We all know your baby is your pride and joy; my babies are the most perfect little angels too! Ok, ok, no, they're not. Not by any stretch of even the most imaginative of imaginations. As a parent, we need to focus on the truth when it comes to our little ones and leave the embellishing for other parts of our lives (perhaps the sex life...just sayin'). We need to quit omitting the "not so great" parts of motherhood so that new mommies know they're not alone. What's the old adage? "Prepare for the worst, hope for the best"?

With a year of motherhood under my belt, I feel competent enough at this point to give this advice - Other moms suck. Other moms lie. Other moms want you to think their babies crap Skittles and fart rainbows. Other moms are insecure and fear they're doing something wrong so they withhold information that you, as a new mom, might like to have. Other moms want to have the smartest, fastest, prettiest, tallest, best-dressed baby in the world! Other moms don't want you to know their baby's "perceived" issues because in their mind it might reflect poorly on them.

I get it moms! Really, I do. I can't tell you how many times, in my control freakish frenzies, I've looked at my baby boys and thought, "What the heck am I doing WRONG? I'm totally failing at this mom thing!" as they slapped me in the face, cried uncontrollably, threw themselves on the floor, fell off the bed, fell of the couch...you get the picture. Back up the bus, let me be fair. There are many people in my immediate circle that are honest and open about the trials and tribulations of motherhood. With that being said, however, I've found that generally, moms won't share "bad things" with other moms on a casual basis. STOP THE INSANITY ladies!

I've never been good at glossing over the truth- in fact, my inability to lie has gotten me into trouble on more than one occasion. The way I see it, we all have our strengths and we all have our weaknesses; this is true of our babies as well. I'm going to reveal some truths, as I've experienced them, during the first year of trying (and succeeding) at keeping two gorgeous little worms alive and thriving.

1. Sometimes the little critter is just not going to sleep. When I say "sometimes", I'm talking NEVER. Sleep is overrated anyhow! You're going to wonder how you function. You'll research and try everything imaginable to get the little booger to sleep. Just stop. Really. You'll drive yourself nuts for no reason because the sad truth is, when they're that little, they'll start sleeping all night "when they damn well please". You'll live, they'll live, and you'll be on to a new, and equally annoying, infant phase!
2. Bad moods are a part of life - even a baby's. I don't know how it happens, but demonic forces WILL take over your child at some point. Hopefully not often and hopefully when it happens, it will subside quickly. I never knew throwing yourself on the floor repeatedly while crying and screaming was an inborn characteristic...until I had babies.
3. Changing diapers sucks. I don't know one person who is excited to smell the petting-zoo-like aroma that clings to your olfactory glands for hours after the deed is done. I don't know one person who can't wait to see what kind of poop was created by the prior meal. My advice - pass it off to your partner as often as possible ;)
4. There will be accidents and you WILL feel terrible. These creatures are quick and they wiggle and they like to trick you. I swear it's a game to them! You'll lay them on the couch, turn to grab a diaper and...THUD...they've met the floor. They freak out, you freak out... you might cry, you'll worry for days, and you'll feel like the worst mom alive. I'd tell you to not be so hard on yourself but it won't do one bit of good.
5. Your baby might have ears that stick out, so what! Just nickname them "Shrekky" and move on. Embrace their differences! Remember, you're going to be molding these young minds and, while they don't know any better now, as they develop more cognitive abilities, you'll want them to love everything about themselves :)
6. You're going to have questions. You're going to ask people things. You are going to hear, "You know your baby better than anyone and you'll just FEEL/KNOW what the right thing for him/her is". Now, trust me when I say that you're going to want to slap the mouth of the 20th person that says this to you (I'm not sure if that's because of the hormones raging through your post pregnancy body or just the general fact that it's annoying).We aren't all born with some instinctual spirit guide whispering in our ear. For those of you that were, good for you! Know this new moms: you don't have to know how to handle every instance, you just have to know where to go to figure out what to do! If you've ever had a job, it's the same theory, different application.
7. Lastly, your baby will likely bite, hit, and scratch you and others while smiling. They are going to do bad things while looking at you to let you know, that they know, they're being bad. They'll sling food while "feeding" and smile. Sooner or later you'll catch on - smiling is their defense against the world.  It's hard to keep a straight face and reprimand them when they're being so darn cute. Do it anyway! Ahhhh, who am I fooling - it's impossible.

Hopefully moms will get it someday. Hopefully moms will realize the truth about babies isn't so bad. Hopefully "baby perfection" will become a thing of the past and moms will share stories of truth.In the end, what matters? Keeping it real, what matters is that you've kept incredibly determined, innocent, strong-willed, life-draining, soul-sucking, time-consuming, totally dependent and needy, miniature beings alive (sometimes just barely)! And, if you're lucky like me, they happen to be pretty darn cute too ;)

P.S.  I'll try to blog more often and give lots of unsolicited life advice! Muahahahah

How To Become a Blogger

Do people tell you that you are entertaining? Do you love to write? Have you always been good at writing? Great! And...NONE OF THAT MATTERS! Muahahaha. Ok, so maybe it matters a little bit, HOWEVER if you're not using keywords, repeatedly, on trending topics, blogging may not be a good fit. No joke. You might be totally funny, you might write great blogs, you might be witty and even charming BUT if you're not popping up in search engines, you're not getting read...unless you're famous, but then again if you're famous you're popping up in search engines ;)
So what do you do to get your blogs read? You have a choice to make. You continue to casually write about things you are passionate about and hope somewhere along the way, you catch on like white on rice... OR you incorporate the tricks of the trade and get more hits on the searches. As for me, I've never been one to hop on any bandwagon (well maybe if included a bar and my good friend Jack Daniels). I WILL sacrifice a little and write about things (like this topic lol) that don't interest me that much but will probably get more hits than anything else I've written ;) Let's just dabble in the basics of becoming a blogger...

Stick with One Blog Topic
How to become a blogger? Stick with a general topic. What's your poison? DIY projects? Kittens? Day old bread? Whatever it is, it can be as general or specific as you want. My general topic is Mommy blogging and my more specific topic of choice is my 8 month old twins (because they drive me nuts and I need to vent). When you are just starting out and your blogs jump around from sports to cooking to bestiality and then on to tattoos, chances are your readers won't be interested in exactly the same things you are.

Keywords in Blogs
Throw in keywords until you can keyword no more...and then add a few more ;) Really though, keywords are important. Think it through, what are people searching and what phrases will people search- incorporate them into your blog. Now don't be super annoying and write things like, "Becoming a blogger means you want to become a blogger because you enjoy blogging and you want to bloggity blog blog blog". You get my point. Annoying is never good...well, unless you're being annoying on purpose, then it's FANTASTIC! One keyword per 100 words is a good guideline; if you have your own website to link it back to, even better!

Label Pictures in Blogs
Pictures in blogs have a "properties" link for a reason. Take the time to put your keywords in there...it's not just a description for the blind. Have you ever wondered why you're WRITING a description for the blind to READ anyway? It's kind of like the braille on the drive-thru ATMS...sometimes life makes no sense ;)

Keep on Blogging
Blog consistently. Try to get two blogs a week out there. This is another bandwagon I forgot to climb on! If you're not constantly blogging people will think you're like one of the millions of other bloggers. Yes, everyone blogs these days. It's a travesty.

Promote, Promote, Promote!
Tell your friends, use social media, write it in the sky if you have the money! Never stop promoting your blog. Share it on Twitter, share it on Facebook, put it on your business cards!

Blogging is fun, if you don't enjoy it, don't do it. If you have to do it and don't like it, hire a ghostwriter ;) I should throw some links and pictures in this blog, but again, the bandwagon thing isn't my style. I'll just have to stick with the "promote, promote, promote" and hope that someday I get enough page hits to warrant some paying advertisers!

Road Rage... and Other General Anger Issues ;)

Driving along, you always think your own driving is far superior to any of the other drivers on the road. I mean, YOU are the one that's cautious... you use your turn signals and your rearview mirror after all! SO what if you've caught yourself veering into another lane a time or two OR that you MIGHT have, ACCIDENTALLY, cut off that car when you were turning out of the grocery store parking lot...causing the unsuspecting person to slam on their brakes and the car behind them (who wasn't paying attention) to yank their steering wheel so hard they had to overcorrect, hence doing a little 360 degree "dance", if you will. YOUR own superior driving skills are never brought into question (well, maybe by your spouse, grrrrr)! For the record, when I do make a "bad driving decision", I feel bad and I try to wave, with an apologetic look on my face. NEVER pretend you have no idea that you did anything wrong; that's just annoying!

I have a problem...a problem with road rage (and probably losing my temper in general)! I don't carry a gun for this very reason...I can just picture the headlines "The Minivan Road Rage Bandit Shoots Yet Another Elderly Driver/Vegas Pedestrian/Vacationer/'Any Category of Person'"! With that being said, I rarely get angry, but when I do, watch out! Few have seen my inner monster rise up and I'm pretty sure the one's that have are still laughing to this day!

Just the other day, the boys fell asleep in their car seats so I decided to take the long way home, down Las Vegas Blvd (probably not a good idea for any person with anger issues)! I was stopped at a red light and there was a crosswalk behind me. The light turned green, the cars in front of me stepped on the gas...I do the same (duh) and this CRAZY, StUpID, B***** walks right in front of me! I slam on the brakes and immediately, my heart rate starts to increase in direct proportion with her level of DUMB (I can always feel the rage coming)! This lady then practically crawls up my front bumper and onto the hood of my minivan while shaking her fist and screaming. Yep, this pushed me over the edge. Mind you, the light is still green, there's a ton of traffic behind me and it only makes sense to ignore the lady. Do I ever do what makes sense? NO WAY! I slam the minivan into park and throw open my door (after looking in my side view mirror to make sure I was clear, of course)... OH WAIT, I have BABIES in the back...sleeping soundly...who don't know their mother is a raging lunatic when it comes to people that are dumber than rocks and not afraid to prove it! I take a deep breath and wait for the moment to pass, shutting my door. The lady apparently saw the rage in my eyes because she scurried off, not looking back. I proceed with caution.

I used to work in banking... where keeping anger in check was mandatory if you valued your job (which I did)! Let me tell you, the number of people that come into a bank and are persistent in their stupidity is astronomical (ask anyone in the industry)! A "repeat offender" for overdrafts waltzed into my office, and demanded a fee be reversed. I explained to her that during our last conversation we had agreed that I would be waiving no more fees and that she needed to take responsibility for making sure she had money in the account. It was a pretty simple concept, don't you think? No money = no spend! Me saying no more fee reversals = no more fee reversals! Even someone with an elementary school education gets this! This girl proceeded to "talk" louder and louder, using profanity while becoming more an more demanding. Usually, I kept my composure, remained professional, diffused the situation, and tricked myself into keeping my mouth shut. Well, when this girl saw I wasn't budging with my decision, she gets up from her chair, stomps to the doorway, turns around...shouts "F*** YOU!" at me, and slams my office door shut. *Commence anger issue now!* I leapt out of my chair and to the door, throwing it open. I caught a glimpse of the back of her heading out through the automatic doors and, in my business attire and heels, I began to chase her (because I was going to beat her a** in the parking lot)! I didn't care about my job at this point, I didn't care about the line of patrons in my lobby. I cared about one thing only and that was getting my paws on this miserable excuse for a human! Scrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech! I'm sure that's the sound my heels made on the floor when Shirley, my friend and coworker, grabbed the back of my suit jacket to stop me (her office was next to mind and she heard the whole thing going down). Apparently she valued my job more than I did! I simply turned to the customers, smiled, and went back to my office, closing the door calmly! Shirley was laughing, my staff was laughing, and I, too, began laughing. I couldn't believe I had let this girl get under my skin!

What's the point of me sharing my stories of rage with you, you ask? Well, I just want to let people know that they are not alone in their road rage ;) Rage happens! People consider me even tempered and easily able to keep my cool yet I STILL have my moments :) Am I proud of these moments? They're kinda funny actually. Am I able to learn from them? Enough to keep me alive! I'll let you in on a few secrets to keeping your calm. When you come across someone who incites rage in you, picture them with an ax stick out of their head...this always brings satisfaction to me :) Next, since rationalizing does no good, remind yourself of the many people that carry guns and how you don't want to end up dead on Las Vegas Blvd with two sleeping babies in your backseat! You'll still be angry at this point so take a deep breath and count backwards from ten. When that doesn't work, just drive on...life is too short to stay angry!

Things To Do With Your Baby

Soooooo, you have no idea what to do with your bundle of joy once they're home from the hospital? Totally understandable! I mean, they don't move around  much; they are pretty much just stationary, milk-sucking, smaller versions of a real human! They're somewhat like pets at this point! Yet, you are super eager to use all of the fabulous play mats and toys that you got at your baby shower, so you lay your little one down on the mat and wait...and wait...and wait some more. They'll eventually at least reach for some of the hanging things right? Ehhhh, probably not! This "lack of activity" doesn't last for just a day or two either, it will last months! DO NOT feel bad! It's just the way it is! They don't hate the gifts they were given, they just have no idea what their purpose is at this point!

Don't feel bad! I remember feeling bad because Jax and Alek (my little twin monsters) would just lay there, looking around, sleeping, eating, pooping, eating, pooping, sleeping - you get the idea! I felt like they were totally BORED! WTF was I thinking?! They don't even know what being bored is and even if they did, there was no possible way that they were bored! Imagine being all blind and snuggled up in the wet wonderland of a uterus (gross) and then being spewed out into our big, bright world! Yeah, they're not bored. They're acclimating themselves to being in a totally different setting than they had grown accustomed to. They can't see real well, everything is a billion times louder now, and there's more space around them than they know what to do with!

You're not a bad mom if you're not holding them 24/7. I mean, if you want to, and like that kind of thing, by all means, hold them all the time (they won't get spoiled just yet)! I'm not that kind of mom. I love the little guys but I also hate sitting still for too long! Of course they need held and cuddled and loved, but they will also be fine if you leave them be to figure out some stuff on their own!

The first few months are pretty harsh when it comes to their sedentary "lifestyle"! I've put together a list of ten things I did with my boys from 0-5"ish" months old that kept all three of us entertained. Trust me, you will question your sanity at some point and these activities will give you a little release (or perhaps just confirm your insanity)!

1- Lay them on their play mats even if they don't "play"! They are looking at all the hanging objects you've put in front of them. They will eventually start to interact with the stuff. Plus, someone once told me that babies that have nothing above them to look at will "turn out dumb", lol! There's actually research on that, and I will say that the findings do show that the visual stimulation is great for them.



Alek

Jax

2- Draw eyebrows on them and let them look in the mirror! It will be more entertaining for you than them, but babies LOVE mirrors!

3- Do baby art. get some water-based acrylic paints and a canvas. Paint up your little one's hands, feet, booty...whatever, and use them as a human stamp to make a DIY wall hanging! Make sure you use colors that you would want to display! So much easier to incorporate with your décor than the god awful "feet butterflies" people seem to be fond of making. You know, the ones that end up crushed between the pages of a baby book. With that being said, IF butterfly footprint art can be easily incorporated into your décor, you've got bigger issues than figuring out things to do with your little one!

4- Engage in a tickle war. Mine love it when we lightly bite their ribs and blow on their stomachs. Maybe it's because they're boys and the "fart like" sound that blowing on their stomach makes, is engrained in their DNA to be funny. Now don't expect some fantastic bellowing laugh from them until they're a few months old, but when you hear that first laugh, you'll want to hear it over and over!

5- Turn on some horrible music that you love (Vanilla Ice or maybe some Soulja Boy) and hold them upright, making them dance...kinda like a puppet. Again, probably more entertaining for you than them, BUT you're getting them used to movements and they'll never know you're laughing at them and not with them ;)

6- Take them for walks. Lots and lots of walks. It's good for you and good for them. Don't be one of these moms that doesn't want to expose their kids to the elements. Dress them according to the weather and let them get out! We live in Las Vegas and it gets pretty hot here, so we "visit" the local malls and the shopping forums in the casinos to walk. If you choose to do the mall thing, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT plan on getting any actual shopping done.

7- Sing and dance for them. They don't know that you have been kicked out of karaoke bars for having a voice so bad that chimpanzees scream at the sound of it. They just know that you're smiling and having fun!

8- Let them hold different objects. It's fun to see what they like and don't like, plus it lets them get used to different textures. My monsters love to take soft blankets and rub on their faces. Now, I would never leave them alone to do this, but it's super cute when they shut their eyes and seem to enjoy it so much. They hate wooden spoons.

9- Play in front of a mirror. Have I mentioned that babies love mirrors? Hold them, so that you're both facing the mirror and lean towards it and away from it. Make faces at them in the mirror. I recommend putting some makeup on so that you don't scare yourself; that "glow" you had while preggers might not have endured the birthing process!

10- I might be pushing the envelope with this one, BUT that's what I'm good at. So... you're going to be stressed; this is a huge life changing event, you're sleep deprived, and this is a whole new "normal" that you're experiencing. Take the tension out of situations and use your best ooogly googly baby voice to say things to them like, "Ohhhh did you crap yourself?" "Did my little man sh** himself?", "Why, aren't you just the most annoying little creature!", "Can you just STFU for mama for just a few minutes?"... I find this activity highly fulfilling, and since you're using a "sweet as pie" voice, they generally just smile and laugh. PLUS, you won't be able to do this activity once they start mimicking sounds!

Notes for the Babysitter

Jax: Less hair
Alek: More hair

            11:00 – Bottles (on counter)

12:00 – Lunch (each gets one of the little plastic containers in fridge) I feed them one at time because they’re super impatient and LOVE food (kinda like me, ugh)! If they don’t finish the food, that’s fine.

1:30 – Naptime. They will start getting moody between 1 and 2 so you can put them down anytime. Alek’s crib is closest to the window. They’ll probably sleep two+ hours!

3-4 – I’ll more than likely be back by 3 J

· They’re both “floor babies” now! They stay on the floor unless held because they will roll off the couch and die…dead babies are not good! (OK, they probably wouldn’t really die; I know this from experience!)

· They can play together if you’re down there with them; otherwise, keep them apart or they will gouge each other’s eyes out.

· Beware! They’ve moved on from just pulling hair to scratching. These monsters will dig their little claws into any part of you and they have no mercy!

· Dump out whatever toys you want them to have (in the baskets by the fireplace); they love the little rubber blocks to play with (and chew on). If there’s more than three things they get overwhelmed and are cranky AND cry AND whine (super annoying). Guess why they do this. Yep, evilness.

· I’m trying to teach them the word “no” but they have no idea what it means! So if you say no and they look at you and just smile, it’s because they’re evil!

· When you put them down for a nap, pop a binkie in (found in cribs) and leave the room (if you stand there, they cry). They will likely cry anyway so wait a few minutes and go back in to put their binkies back in their mouths…again, they’re evil! They should nap for 2-3 hours (if not, no big deal). They ALSO might wake up during the nap; before getting them up, pop a binkie in to see if they will go back the f*** to sleep J

· Help yourself to anything in fridge or cabinets! Stress eating is fully permitted in this house!